I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
