I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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