Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
no, he came in my armpit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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