I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
