Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
