I wish I could teleport
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
