allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
