He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
