I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
