You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
