I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
worst night to have a conscience
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
