I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
