matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
