This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
