and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
