Screwed.edu
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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