Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
