dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
