I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
