My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
