I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
so much tequila, so little girl.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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