the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Someone signed my nipple.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
