when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
