Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
