He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize