Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
