I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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