She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
