so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
