I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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