I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize