I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
