I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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