you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
