he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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