I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
