Are we in a gay sports bar?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize