Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
