Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
