We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
