the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
