Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
