Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize