I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
