It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
