Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
