That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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