That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
