So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
