we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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