I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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