You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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