Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
