I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
