I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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