your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
