Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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