I am puke
...so i touched it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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