If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
