You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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