So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
