he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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