I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
