But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
