i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
