Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize