Yo dont text me then not text me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
