I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my shit smells like andre
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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