First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
smell my finger.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
